Konrad Kollnig

How often has the unexpected happened! How often has the expected never come to pass! And even though it is ordained to be, what does it avail to run out to meet your suffering? You will suffer soon enough, when it arrives; so look forward meanwhile to better things. — Seneca, Letters from a Stoic

The world is an odd place these days. There are lots of things going on that are outside of our control. Climate change, loss of biodiversity, pandemics, housing crisis, and so one. Some people call it the policrisis. A compelling mental escape then is the belief in destiny: that things happen for a reason, and that is nothing that can be done about it. But is that true?

“The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.” ― Doctor Who

In the past, I’ve often talked about the not-quite-so-happy aspects of human life. Not out of a place of depression. But rather out of conviction that positive like negative are an integral part of life, and should be faced in an equally fearless manner. And should be talked about but often aren’t and are instead made societal taboos, and thereby make the unbearable so much more so. This is why now I wish to talk about what I believe are the unsung heros of society but who make great contributions to keeping us and the world at large together: empaths.

I understand now that boundaries between noise and sound are conventions. All boundaries are conventions, waiting to be transcended. One may transcend any convention if only one can first conceive of doing so. — Robert Frobisher in David Mitchell’s Cloud Atlas

Throughout my work in academia, I’ve met many who even told me in their undergraduates that they really want to pursue an academic career. I admire that. And, I always found that intimidating. Can someone really know for sure where they’re going to end up, especially when it’s still quite a few years further down the line and when careers in academia are notoriously difficult to plan? Why not instead try to focus on the research and teaching that you find meaningful today?

A small, elderly man, smartly dressed,
with an exceptionally lively, intelligent face
and an immediately perceptible air of sadness.
He was, like the rest of us, alone, but also, I must say,
he was the first that struck one as being deeply and truly lonely.

I want to talk about another taboo, besides all the other happy things I talked about here recently (see “The Taboo of Death“): loneliness. I feel lonely quite often.

I am nearly 30 now. Shouldn’t I have figured out this stuff? Yet, I also recently moved cities for a job, and am single. I feel like I have no real idea how to make friends. Is there maybe an app for that? It’s not that I don’t have friends but it gets more difficult to meet new people when you get older. Most of the people at my age are probably simply scrolling social media right now. Clubs are dead. And who’s got time for hobbies when also having to juggle career, friends and family?

I believe many of my age can relate. In this way, oddly, we’re not lonely at all. But it’s nothing that people talk about.

It sometimes seems that wherever one looks there is fear, greed and suffering. They seem to be our main drivers. How then should anyone hope and strive for something meaningful? What even is meaningful?

It seems like I have all this success recently. Essentially everything that I try genuinely in my professional life works out. Most things are easy. I don’t even work super long hours. It just all comes my way, without having to put in so much effort. I guess that’s what they call privilege. Or talent. Or whatever. Having lost my best friend to addiction and childhood abuse 4 months ago, and having lost love to addiction and childhood abuse 5 months ago makes these things pale. And definitely grounds me. What’s striving worth when we can have the perfect moments here and now?