“The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.” ― Doctor Who
In the past, I’ve often talked about the not-quite-so-happy aspects of human life. Not out of a place of depression. But rather out of conviction that positive like negative are an integral part of life, and should be faced in an equally fearless manner. And should be talked about but often aren’t and are instead made societal taboos, and thereby make the unbearable so much more so. This is why now I wish to talk about what I believe are the unsung heros of society but who make great contributions to keeping us and the world at large together: empaths.
A while ago, I let someone into my life who – at least according to my own limited expertise and that of some with a bit more – may have suffered from a serious personality disorder. This experience remains the hardest of my life but it also allowed me to get to know me a bit better. As a wise friend of mine – maybe the wisest – said: letting someone into your heart also always lets you hold up a mirror against yourself.
This got me curious about the topic. It also is quite timely when we look at the White House, where someone pulls the levers who is often accused of narcissism. Whatever it is – I am in no position to judge – the data on such personality disorders is quite interesting. One might think that with different therapeutic methods in psychiatry as well as a changed society, the number of people with clinically diagnosed narcissism might have changed, either increasing or decreasing.
However, what seems to be the case is that the number of narcissists or those with other serious personalities is stagnant over the course of human history. Additionally, disorders like borderline seem to have a strong hereditary component. Why might that be? Wouldn’t one expect that those traits might become extinct over time because they surely are a net negative for human society?
The most intuitive explanation is that many of them actually make great leaders. They often are great of convincing others and aiming for a grand vision, thereby potentially bringing a net positive for humanity. Put differently, without a bit of “craziness” and out of the box thinking, humanity might get quite stuck. So, it becomes the long-term interest of any human to tolerate a bit of “craziness” but not too much so we all hate each other and become extinct.
Yet, not everyone can be a leader, or at least not in the intuitive sense. There are many unsung heros in society who may not put their energy into convincing others and pursuing grand visions. For example, I might think of those individuals who stay up all night to take care of my dear grandma who’s recently been confined to a care home. They do so, surely partly for the money, but also for the people they care about. Or isn’t it difficult to imagine someone who does not care at all for others becoming a nurse, teacher, or therapist?
As much as one cannot imagine a world without “crazy” people, a world without those who take care of those in need could simply not exist. And yet, we empaths have to accept the fact that we will never get the praise and the recognition that leaders might do. And we don’t do it for the praise but because we don’t know another way, and simply care for those around us.
Being an empath is hard. There is so much that one can care about. As such, we have to be careful about who we let into our hearts and take care of.
In other places of this blog, I’ve already talked about gratitude, particularly towards strangers. I truly hope that we can move towards a world that does not differentiate between simplistic notions of friend and foe but rather presumes the good in the other, unless proven otherwise. That is not naïve but rather footed in a simple observation: most other people, if you meet them, are kind and good at heart. It simply often is difficult to do so, especially since we have designed political and economic systems around us that are geared towards those who strive for power rather than for the humanity. In other words, just because the television and media, commonly (that’s how they make most money), like to draw a negative pictures of the world and those around us, in reality there are more people who wish to do good and care for one another. I truly believe that. But maybe that’s just me as an empath speaking.
In any case, don’t take the kindness of others for granted. But say thanks every now and then. It makes all the difference.